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22 Mar 2016
When you�re a pleasant person, conflict can be quite a real challenge. Not too mean folks are better at conflict; they merely have fun with this more.

New research from Columbia University implies that the method that you handle conflict could make or break your career. The study measured something scientifically that lots of us have seen firsthand-people that are too aggressive incompatible situations harm their performance by upsetting and alienating their peers, while people who are too passive at handling conflict hinder power they have to achieve cause real progress.

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The secret to effective handling of conflict is assertiveness-that delicate place where you get a needs met without bullying your partner into submission. Assertive people strike a careful balance between passivity and aggression (that is, they never lean much in either direction).
Purchasing Conflict Assertively

It�s an easy task to think that nice people are too passive. While that�s often true, unchecked passivity can boil over into aggression. So there are many pleasant people who may have exhibited both extremes of the assertiveness spectrum.

Being assertive, you should learn to embark on healthy conflict. Healthy conflict directly and constructively addresses the problem at hand without ignoring or trivializing the needs of either party. The techniques such as the following will get you there.

Consider the repercussions of silence. Sometimes it�s hard to muster the motivation to speak up if the likelihood is high that things will turn ugly. The easiest way to motivate yourself to behave is usually to fully think about the costs of not speaking up-they�re typically far larger today being bold yourself. The secret is that you simply have to shift your attention out of the headache that can come with getting involved to all of the things that you will really benefit from your assertiveness.

Say �and� rather than �but.� The straightforward act of replacing the term �but� with �and� makes conflict far more constructive and collaborative. Say, by way of example, that your particular teammate John really wants to utilize the most of your financial budget with a strategy, but you�re worried that this won�t leave enough money for any critical new hire. Instead of saying, �I note that you need to utilize the money for marketing, however i think we need to come up with a new hire,� say �I notice that you would like to make use of the money for marketing, but we must come up with a new hire.� The real difference is subtle, though the first sentence minimizes the need for his idea. The second sentence states the situation as you see it, without devaluing his idea, which in turn opens things up for discussion. Saying �and� makes all the other party seem like you�re working together with them, instead of against them.

Use hypotheticals. Once you assert yourself, you don�t would like it to appear like you�re poking holes within their idea (even if you are). Hypotheticals include the perfect method to pull this off. Telling someone, for example, �Your awesome idea won�t work as you overlooked the way the sales staff operates� results in much more aggressively than suggesting the hypothetical, �How you think our sales staff should go about selling this awesome?� If you see a flaw and present a hypothetical, you�re engaging with the original idea and giving one other party the opportunity to explain how it could work. This shows that you�re prepared to hear the other person out.

Don�t speak in absolutes (�You Always� or �You Never.�) Nobody always or never does anything. People don�t see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldn�t try and define them as a result. By using these phrases during conflict makes people defensive and closed on your message. Instead, point out what are the other person did that�s an issue for you. Continue with the facts. If your frequency in the behavior is a concern, you could say, �It looks like you are doing this often.� or �You make this happen often enough will be able to notice.�

Ask good questions unless you get through to the heart from the matter. Neglecting to understand the motive behind someone�s behavior throws fuel around the fire of conflict, given it makes everything they do appear foolish and shortsighted. Instead of declaring flaws, you ought to seek to understand the place that the one else is originating from. Try asking good questions, such as Why did you settle upon it this way? So what can you mean with that? which enable it to you let me to comprehend this better? Even though you don�t see eye to eye, using inquiries to arrive at the underlying motive builds trust and understanding, because both versions are conflict killers.

If you challenge, offer solutions. People don�t as it after they feel like you�re wanting to disassemble their idea straight away. Whenever you challenge someone�s idea, and also offer a solution, you demonstrate that you need to communicate to get a fix. This reinforces the need for their idea, even when it�s packed with holes. For example, in ways �One potential problem that I see together with your idea is ___. However, I do believe we are able to overcome this concern when we can easily find a way to___.� On this example, you aren�t even supplying the solution. You�re just acknowledging that you�re happy to come together to discover one.
Bringing It All Together

Mastering conflict requires emotional intelligence. Emotionally intelligent people discover how to craft their message in a conflict, whether they�re naturally assertive or otherwise. They take other people�s feelings into account while still asserting themselves confidently.


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